Wednesday, 11 September 2013

Silly little things...

That can have a big impact.
So yes. We all overreact to things don't we? That cringe worthy moment where you look back on a situation and wonder what on earth possessed you to make such a big deal. Or worse those frustrating moments when you're watching yourself being ridiculous and you KNOW you're being ridiculous... but you just carry on being ridiculous anyway!
At least or assume we all do that. I do.
The thing is I do it a lot more when I'm unwell. When I'm doing well mentally it's a lot easier to adopt a 'don't sweat the small stuff' attitude. When struggling with anxiety and/or depression every little thing becomes too much. When you've fought like mad and finally forced yourself out of bed, something as seemingly silly as burning your toast can make it all seem hopeless. The brain runs away with you and jumps to all sorts of conclusions (running AND jumping? My brain is very active tonight is seems, maybe that explains the mixed metaphors). One piece of chargrilled bread can convince you that you fail at everything, there's no point trying cos you just mess things up, can't get anything right, obviously didn't deserve the toast or food or care and really should have just stayed in bed in the first place.
Which is totally irrational thinking of course....But it feels real, it feels true, and it hurts.
And then someone comes along and tels you to stop being silly. To get a grip. Pull yourself together and all the other clichés. It can be very difficult to watch someone fall apart over something that send so unimportant. It must be terribly frustrating when the obvious solution seems to be 'well just make another slice of toast'. Except of course the toast was never the real problem, but it can be very hard to articulate that during bad moments. So people get frustrated, annoyed, fed up and see obviously everyone hates you you're a horrible person you hurt people make them angry should just stay away from them, they be better off if....
And the cycle continues. Personally i'm lucky, I have some wonderfully understanding people in my life. Not everyone has that.
Oh and in case you're wondering why the random post: I accidently deleted what I originally intended to post, and promptly bust into tears. Can't think why I decided to post about overacting :p.
And nails (opi stranger tides with nail laquer uk autumn weather's on top).
And I don't think I've ever talked about toast quite so much as I have in this post lol.